2005 - a year in summary (the Good, the Bad & the Ugly)

well...

On a happy note (a good way to end the year): a very lovely (okay beautiful - there are you happy now!), delectable and dear friend of mine sent her picture to me and I'd like to share it with the world(with her kind permission of course.) - I was intially against the idea (and she kinda guessed) so I'm trying to prove myself and her wrong by going all out and sharing it but then again, methinks that beauty should be shown to the world not hidden from view.
So in the light of this, here goes:
Her name's Faizah Musa. (doesn't she look glorious?)

On to other matters:

This morning, I'm thankfully at the helm of my keyboard lost in thought (If that last part were true, how would I be typing this post?) I'm yet to decide if I'm relieved that the year's finally ended (today being the 31st of december 2005, in my part of the world) or to remain in a state of shock that God gave me the gift of life till the end of the year. (you decide!)

It was the best of years, (who am I trying to fool?) It was most definitely the worst of years (I hear a lot of agreement in the background.) for alot of people, the world over.
Thankfully, today - the 31st of December 2005, we can look back to the various incidents and maybe pick up the little nuggets of wisdom that life continues the show us.

I'm bringing to mind some great lessons learned from books such as:

1. Think & grow rich.
2. The power of positive thinking.
3. Tough times never last but tough people do.

These are just a few of the books that may help us recondition our pattern of thinking and shrug out of our doom, gloom & doom life of expectancy, where the worst is most expected and the best is often over rated.

Humanity is after all what we "Think!"

The various global catastrophies that have befallen us throughout this year has also exposed us to the concept of our human fraility. Even with the many advances in science & technology, one cannot yet predict or even avert many natutral disasters that have and will continue to befall us but at least we can now to some extent limit the odds...

In Nigeria (my country), One cannot help but notice the determination that people normally display in their bid to survive daily (that's the right word, because even the rich try to survive the erosion of their wealth). Each state has its characteristic approach to survival. For instance, Lagos the city of fast moves - you're expected to be up and doing, hustling your way through life daily - It's like watching a movie of your daily existence in fast forward.

In Abuja (the capital of Nigeria), there's a sense that Government provides everything, so the sense of haste & hurry noticed in lagos is most definitely absent. These are just a few examples.

On a personal note; I'm forced to review the year and match my achievements with the many expectations that I set for myself. On some grounds, I most definitely made some achievements but the long term implications remain lost to me, still I've not quite gotten to the state and level of where I want to be.

I'm still looking for a constant means of livelyhood to support myself. I'm working killer hours with no breaks in a largely hostile environment and my future for the most part "appears" uncertain.

In comparison, some of my friends who don't reside in nigeria anymore(Britain, Sweden, Korea, America, Australia) constantly sound disconnected - it is such that when they talk of a country, which they've lost touch with - they sound very bewildered - I could say almost shocked. Yet alot of them are the very same people who used to wake up everyday (before they left Nigeria) wondering what their very future holds - no job prospects (a job interview for 10 positions will often net applications exceeding 1000 or more), no business prospects - infact no prospects but today, they've settled into their new environments and have promptly forgotten what it feels like to wake up with a big question mark hanging on your fate everyday.

Anyway, my goals for the future are somewhat simple.

1. To confront my fears and face up to the challenges what ever they maybe.

2. To be truly financially independent.

3. To get married on or before I get to thirty.

4. To be a billionaire before the ripe age of 35.

5. To futher my education and eventually enter the teaching profession when I "retire".

Shalom.

hyper - TENSION... Worry, WORRY and more worry

Imagine the grief!
I woke up today, bright and early to make some money for myself and my partner - I opened and promptly setup shop, awaiting the first customer of the day... Who did indeed show up but it was not to be.... Our internet connection was still acting up and we were expecting the engineers, who did show up at about 12:00pm...

The recurrent problem from yesterday - out internet connection "timing out" was dealt with today - although it took till 6:20 pm before we could finally be said to be in operation!
I'm just about flamed out with worry & grief!

The way business was going today, I could have sworn that some celestial being was laughing at my expense and my poor nerves are all but worn thin by the constant worry and palatable tension that was so thick you could just about slice it with a knife. I'm just at the point where I'm asking myself why? (the waiting doesn't come easy either, infact that's the hardest part!)

NEPA (now called power holdings companyNigeria) was here today - branishing their usual threats of disconnecting the electricity. They initially went ahead with the threat but later put us back after "some grease"...

My financial state is nothing to write home about - I'm about down to my last two thousand naira and I'm wondering where all my cash went to.

I would like the reassurance that sufficient, well planned capital injected into this business would provide for me... My teeth are constantly on edge and I worry more than I care to admit...

My capital investment in the business is not much and maybe that's why I feel so rudderless - waiting for my ship to make it to shore by some miracle... If I was more committed (financially) - I would be in a better position to make my suggestions known & felt.
This open today, closed tomorrow mentality's killing me! I hate it even more that I can't seem to harness capital (friends & relatives are being slow)

New year approaches on the horizion - like sunrise, eagerly anticipated by some and feared by the rest. I look to its approach with a mixed bag of feelings. On one hand, I hope that things will fall into place, on the other hand - I'm fearful...

I definitely need a break!

I needed to get that off my chest - I'm looking for investments, anyone interested?

ciao...

post-christmas, pre new year - what the heck?

On the 24th of December - I was in a black, foul mood. The night was most unforgiving - I had come back from work rather reluctantly, thoughts swimming through my head, the future was not very bright and I was indulging in some self pity (my own undoing!)

Anyway, I come back home contemplating so much stuff - I'm worried that the year is almost ended and I have nothing (Or so I think) to show for it as compared to what most of my friends and former school mates are currently doing...

It is no mean feat to examine your convictions and see that you are going nowhere (or so you think).
By the 25th after a nite's sleep - I had somewhat made peace with myself and just made my way to church (to make my peace with God!)

The 26th met me at home - I was too lazy to go anywhere and I was content to eat, sleep, watch some films, play age of mythology and generally laze around.

Today - I'm infront of the computer, pouring my thoughts out and generally trying to come to terms with my expectations for the new year - What's my driving force for 2006?
What do I need to achieve? Where will I be at the end of 2006?

Regardless of the future, my plan is to be better prepared to take advantage of any oppurtunities that will arise...

Wishing all - a pleasant holiday season, full of happiness, laughter and good cheer for this new year that's upon us.

Shalom

2 days to christmas...

Soft curly hair.
The smell of Johnson's baby powder was ripe in my nostrils and I kept taking in lungs full of air to keep the heavenly scent of the baby within my lungs...

Three months old kristine - a bundle of joy that had me acting the role of uncle.
(too soon but not soon enough)

She was fast asleep on my shoulders, breathing in gentle little movements - what would she be in future?
A legislator (wish on...), Senator (wild dreams), Minister (there appears to be a conscious drift towards her being placed in a position of power: I'm a nigerian, dammit!)

I look up into the horizion - a gentle smile on my proud afro-lips - whatever pathway taken, she remains a bundle of joy to me....

SNAP OUT OF IT!
I was just trying to test my powers of story telling. Not written anything in quite awhile so I had to make sure that I could still spew forth some good gibberish...

2 days to christmas (falls on a sunday) - the Federal Government (Nigeria's) has decided to grant a 2 day, public holiday to facilitate celebrations...

The new year's a week after that - I wonder what I can look forward to in 2006 (apart from growing older)... I'm very sure that many very good things are going to happen for all of us...

the basic shit: Life moves on!

Just to fill you ina and let you know that I'm still hanging out at the beach (sand, fish and water)

later!@**

the human mind - what's to like?

I've made a vow - that I intend to support charities and people in desperate situations/conditions - this decision was based on recent events, which occured on my way to work. I encountered a woman who had some very serious illness (I've refused to give it a name, even though one easily comes to mind.)

She was gaunt, to the point of looking like a scarecrow - railroad thin and with several abrasions or sores (i couldn't be too sure). She equally apperaed very weak and it took some effort from her and another fellow behind her to get on the bus to obalende. She was directed to a sit where she sat down and

On the bus, she sits silently (debating with herself on how to ask for financial assistance), whe she finally got the nerve - she started by asking those near her...

It became apparent that help was going to be sparse - although I gave her some cash, I felt very bad; No make that Rotten - I felt very rotten & troubled that I lacked the courage and moral conviction to help some more, maybe by being her voice - reaching out to the other commuters on the bus - which I'm very sure would have been a better form of assistance than giving her just cash.

Her case represents just one of the very many - society (made up of the likes of me), ignores and tries hard to deny the presence of such people because it's convenient to do so. We pretend they don't exist and do our best to give small meaningless sums of money to comfort our consciences - keep its yelp down to a manageable whisper...

Are we better for it or worse off?
It's a step in the direction of our "self destruction".
Our Humanity's on trial and is being compromised on the grounds of greed, selfish interests and self preservation but we're to blind to see because we like - no prefer chasing shadows - money, fame and fortune, wealth, beauty, clout etc [BullShit*@!] all for what? To what purpose or end?

I Have vowed to use my wealth and intelligence to serve people around me who need help, assistance...

I hope to stand by my words or I may have no honor left...

ciao people

Ps: keep the reason for the saeson firmly in mind - me, I plan to suck on the seeds of self inspection and internal examination - who knows what I'll see?

Regards

fresh week - christmas in the air?

fresh week or so I'm told...

I spent the weekend - spewing my guts out in the can! Sunday was recovery, i could hardly eat and what little food I could eat was soon down the toilet - water was my major sustainance (water therapy - anyone!)
I literally lost some vital pounds and now look like a gaunt scarecrow running on steriods...

Christmas week looms ahead and I still feel nothing - occassional flashes of nostalgia and hope fill my heart but they're but fleeting moments in th listless sand of time...

I don't know what I'm looking forward to but then again maybe I had better be someone's christmas wish - create some happiness in someone's life for a change!

There's a situation in my family that's currently testing the primary bonds - pride, fear and emotion laden moments that affect everyone of us directly!
Me, I'm the guy on the fence who has made a decision to let things unfold while making plans of his own - a wait, watch and counter reaction...

Business is-as-is... Progressing along a steady but tension filled path - if you like uncertainty then this is definitely for you...

just to call in - leave my foot print in the sand more or less...
ciao!

down in the pits - it definitely gets more interesting!

I slept in my friend cum partner's house - (the boss part is determined by who brings the cash, which leaves me out of the race)

But, I'm definitely finding it both fun and stressful - a mouthful by my account... We spend a better part of today waiting for the engineer who intends to install a linux setup box for routing functions - our cybercafe... We're beginning to roll - but for the minor interruptions, we're getting there - I notice a smile on chude's face - I consider that a good thing, his happy, I'm happy!

Things are definitely on the roll - on to better things, more shit but definitely worth the smell.

Next year, things will most definitely jump the gun - we're off to the racess with no looking back - I plan to be extremely comfortable by 30 yrs and to be totally off the financial struts of daily life by 35 (courtesy of GOD and a very healthy ambition, determination and persistence to succed against all odds - Independence; moral, economic, financial and in short: total liberty!)

Just wanted to thank God for the help - a little enouragement definitly goes a long way...

regards fellow denziens..

One more plane crash - why?

To many questions - little or no answers...

We're once again (it appears that this is some kind of favoured past time) thrown into mourning - another plane crash on another saturday... meaningless loss of life and limb and to what end or purpose?

How many students died, how many parents will spend the end of the year in mourning?
Why & what's happening to the record of aviation safety?

A weekend that's spent - for most crying amist tears...

I was recently accousted by area boys - the bane of Lagos, who relieved me of a substantial amount of money on a saturday (another black saturday) - I was lucky that they didn't rob me of my new handset I bought to replace the one that was lost between Ojuelegba and Yaba (notorious area)

i was molested & beaten (to a minor state of incapacitation). when I finally made it home it was 12:00 am of a still dark sunday morning...

Summary:
Lagos's a paradise and a hell - depends on your point of view... I find myself stuck in some kind of rut, concerning how to percieve Lagos and its environs...

i was born here and spent my formative years here but I sometimes wonder...

It's a gateway to adventure of every kind - if you catch my drift... but it is home...

regards

a day of frustration, sweat and just generally wondering...

As I pound my fingers over the keyboard, the things that stay on my mind the most is how both easy and hard it is to make money.

You can taste it and almost touch it but it somewhat eludes you like the girl of your dreams... Just within reach but impossible to actually touch - or so we would believe...

If it doesn't kill me then it makes m stronger and that's my guiding principle... life's too short to waste on wishes.

We're forced to reevelaute our intitial roll out - from today to end of the weekend...

I'm hopeful that my high blood pressure will finally come down - plummeting like a shooting star..

Chude's the star of this venture - me, I'm here for the ride; if it doesn't kill me that is... Some days, I wake up feeling that I can acheiev the impossible - other days...

Well just needed to get some thots off my mind... that done, o to other matters...

shalom!

A weekend of ...

I'm more or less - working today...
I've been covered with dust, sweat and some other stuff I wouldn't dare mention - just incase my readers got sick with disgust or worse...

i went to ikeja - heart land of all that is, are computers and their related assesories... the sun did a jig on me and drained me literally - i also took the oppurtunity to make a replacement purchase for my lost or stolen fone
(RIP aka Obituary: A Nokia 3310 - faithful friend and companion for two years and some Month(s) - rest in...) - (Please, a moment of silence...)

I'm trying to setup a cybercafe somewhere in ebute metta (lagos) (LSDPC ESTATE, to be precise - which is to be managed and run by me until such a time as our primary area of business commences) and the process is full of curse words, blind swearing and a host of other descriptives that would make my mother blush with shame...

The process has its trying moments - such as when you expect your ISP (that for YOU(yes you), the uninitiated stands for Internet Service provider) to provide unINTERRUPTED service but alas - if wishes where horses in Nigeria - the beggers would never return them! Or NEPA(sorry, that was a slip of brain power) Power Holding Company of Nigeria (the irony of a name - same old wine in a new container), which has yielded the more or is it most frustration...
Finally, the icing on the cake - money or rather issues of money!

My job description: Manager but at the end of the day - the smell of sweat, grime and dust leave me feeling definitely lower... But I'm enjoying every God filled moment of heartbreak, heartache and ehm... let me see now...

We hope to commence activities by next week so here goes for all you fun loving folks...
Come one and definitely come all...

Just needed to share my thots - later dudes!