Riding on rage...

Do you ever get that feeling that you could just murder someone? Or do serious bodily harm? You find that this is not just pure fantasy that the head doctor recommends to you just to help you work out your inner demons - this is a result of feeling stuck in the runt of being too powerless to act or to change things for the better or to defend those to weak or powerless to defend themselves...

You find people who have no concept or understanding of the benefits of consolidation and system building - Rome was not built by one individual and it did not take a day to put up this great city... we are out for ourselves and ourself alone - everyone else is just excess baggage, to be discarded at will.

Rage is the fire that burns in my belly around perceived injustice of the down trodden, the weak and defenseless... sometimes a direct result of the feeling of powerlessness that often afflicts us.

It is the underbelly that rarely shows it face for fear of the outcome.

It is a signal of the loss of control. An indication that man has descended into the abyss of hopelessness and a lack of self control - he has become a creature of primal urges - a creature without thoughts or reason.

I find myself at the mercy of my emotions - another of which is lust but that's a tale for another day.

How long can I rage against a society and its elements...

Just another day in the dockets.

Sidelines - a bad side for everyone

I am sitting on the sidelines - crying with the crowd...
Too afraid to strike out independently and be our own man?

Apparently...
I have been sitting on the sidelines for a long time - out of habit and now practice the "goat follows suit" analogy.

For this to make any iota of sense, a little tale is warranted so here it goes:

A series of goats are making their way across a grassy plain and suddenly they encounter a fence. The first goat sizes up the situation and takes a leap over the fence, safely landing on the other side. Having provided a clue, the other goats follow suit.

However during all this jumping - one goat manages to knock down a section of the fence. This means that there is now a gap in the fence but contrary to the expected logic for the next "GOAT" to simply walk through the gap...

To the wonder and amusement of any onlooker (such as your kind self who is currently reading this tale...) the next goat and the other goats continue to jump over the now non-existent section of the fence inspite of the fact that it is infact no longer standing.

The moral of the story as you have already guessed is simple - out of habit, we continue to do things that others before us did even when there is no need for them anymore.
This is often for the simple but dumb reason that the "last person before me did it that way" - why should I be different?

This last question is the reason and the essence of why I still sit on the sidelines...
It doesn't set me apart for inspection by "others" nor does it give me room to discover what I am truly capable of.

I often blend right in - to be part of the "faceless" and often powerless masses - who are often spoon fed one lie and contradiction after another.
Even when they all know that it is a bad, bare faced lie they still wait for the "official" position...

Being part of the crowd means that I am invincible and thus not considered an entity - it is at once a means of defense as well as a means to de-emphasize the individual...

That means that your rights are non-existent or can be trampled and crushed easily because you, me I - are too afraid to stand out or stand up for our beliefs or rights...

We are responsible for our choices - even those that we give up without a fight...

If Only I had more time...

To say the obvious phrases such as - I love you. or You mean the world to me or You are special...

You may think such words are squishy or inappropriate but they deliver our concerns and feelings for a person, or event or situation...

Maybe we've learnt to hide behind nondescript words - or meaningless jabber that conveys little or nothing. Ultimately it is our consistent actions that tell the true tale - it paints a better picture of who we really are inspite of our words or a lack of them...

I spoke of reason, I spoke of love but what did I give in return - who did I show love to? And to what purpose or end?

We have become creatures of ambiguity, hiding behind words and actions that mask our true intentions while we pretend to fit in...

Does it matter, you ask?
Yes it does - in the long run it does matter.
Maybe not today, maybe not in the immediate future but it will matter.

How many times have I held up my own adage of the mirror - because I was afraid to give more than I got? How many times did I require proof of loyalty or friendship or affection or love before I gave something back in return...

How many times did I hold back at being a better person because it wasn't in my best interests?
How may times did I display my selfish ambitions and desires for my own wishes without any consideration for another person or party?

How many times did I squander a golden opportunity just because I wasn't "ready" or too "afraid" to try?

How many times did I sit by and casually allow an unfortunate soul to wander around in desperate need of help? I cannot count anymore - I have long given up.

As my life ebbs away - I am reminded that there is more to this life than just living.
I am reminded that there is a reason and purpose for my existence than just following the "trend"...

I am forced to observe humanity critically and to conclude that we are here for a better reason than just going through habits and motions in our respective lives...

Live more, Love more, Fail more, Risk more, Try more...

Life is that: Life
We are a race that has defined our history, defined our environment, defined our expectations - it is our responsibility to define or future. One doesn't define the future by doing the same old things in the same old way...

Challenge it, confront it...

Take life by the balls and give it a vigorous shake and see what you end up with.

My prayers are to love more, to live more and see life as the adventure that it is...

The Age of the Uniforms is upon us...

I was on my way to work this morning - a daily routine that requires little thought to execute...
I go through the normal drill of getting to work - take a bike from the front gate (unfortunately I didn't get the bike In front of my gate) to the bus stop because I was pressed for time.

Cross the busy road and enter a vehicle to the Island where my office is located...

Reach Apangbon bus stop and take a bike to my office...

On the bike - I can make out a collection of uniforms that look like a typical parade day celebration... Since we DON'T have parades here - I am left to wonder why there must be a contest to create a "rainbow" display.

I have come to appreciate the proliferation of uniforms in this town - police uniforms, LASMA officials and their uniforms - who are the new power block, Road safety marshals and others who I feel do not merit the need for a name or description.

In my mind - I think the uniforms institute these "officials" as the "Law" and they use their powers to punish any "erring" person or persons - the ultimate aim of course is how they can "enrich" themselves...

Corruption as we all know remains an endemic problem in this country (especially Lagos)...

The aim of pulling the hapless motorist off the road in the guise of discharging his/her duties is all hogwash... The bottom line is how to make a quick buck or two...

That said - it is the way or what has been accepted as the new way to make money - I hear that LASMA generates very sizable revenue for the Lagos state government...

maybe the uniforms are there own way of constituting authority.

My own bottom line has always been to follow the money trail.

Salsa...

The word is out.

The name of the game is dancing (salsa dancing to be precise) and I am committed to doing this every Wednesday and Friday at a location not far from my office.

I actually look forward to these two days of every week and find myself practicing my beginner steps on impulse when the feeling comes over me.

Salsa - some form of dancing that seems to me more like a spiritual exercise.
The movements are basic but variations are applied by each dancer to add her or his unique style. It is like a form of personal expression.

I wonder why we don't have more of these sponsored social events - dance classes etc.

I wonder why we don't take the time or make the time to relax - to unwind and find a semblance of peace from the stresses of daily living.

I was introduced by someone who made the experience all the more inviting - her name is ezinne and it was one of the best presents ever offered to me by anyone.

I secretly love to dance and sing and any chance that gives or grants me that opportunity is so welcome. It is like a health tonic that restores balance and allows me to express some of my repressed feelings and emotions.

I love to dance - it is that simple.