how do I feel this morning on the job...

I somehow thought that I had banished the demon of misery...

I had a miserable Friday and for some work related reason - my mood dived deep into an abyss of lost causes and hopelessness...

The weekend helped to restore some balance and i thought that maybe I had put it behind me but here I am again on a fresh Monday morning feeling very weighed down by it all...

It doesn't help that I dislike my working arrangement and loathe the way i am pawned off from department to department and project with reckless abandon...

Maybe I'm looking for stability now or something that provides roots...

I am reminded time and time again of the many frustrations that plague me in the work place - the unfulfilled tasks that are left unfinished, the multiple deadlines and failures to deliver.

I sometimes think I hate it here - it used to give me joy because I thought maybe there was room to expand my vision but maybe I'm making too many wishes. I feel restricted by the hindrance I perceive here...

My job pays the bills and keeps me tied to an income stream albeit - one income stream.
I feel that I am sometimes between the devil and the deep blue sea and that human instinct for choice has been squashed...

I am beginning to hate it here - I feel deeply dis-satisfied and yet I remain...

Why in GOD's name do I feel this way?

Dumping liberty...

A cold morning...

Cold because the air conditioner is working with reckless abandon. I sit across from where its vents blow cold air towards my direction.

I am asking myself th more obvious questions.
You know the ones that always get me back to square one. The ones where I question anything (okay nearly everything) and everything (not quite everything).

As I must have mentioned in an earlier post - I'm going to hit the big 3-0 soon and it is a time for sober reflection. It is one of those days when you realize just how transitive life is - how utterly ordinary it can be and just how EASILY it can come to an end...

There is really no fireworks or clash of cymbals...

I'm question who invented a work system that makes slaves out of all of us...
To pay the bills and to live independently - you likely answer in defense of this system.

What life do you think you have left after scurrying around like a drowning rat from 8 - 5 (in truth most of us tend to give more than this standard time and yet life goes on unnoticed until you find that you've stopped seeing your feet (thick bulging mid-section) and every time you attempt to bend down someone has to help you back up...

Signs of life passing...
seeping away - drip, drip, drip, drip until even this ends...

The question that has constantly haunted my mind is: how can I gain true Liberty?