I didn't wake up in a suite in Eko Le' Meridian - I didn't have a view of the ocean front nor see the rise of the sun in brilliant colors to denote the beginning of a new day. Instead, I woke up in a small room somewhere. I was buffeted by my own pool of sweat and the murky odors of a body drenched in its own effervescence.
Was i living my dream?
By a far cry no! But I had started in the right direction with so much ambition and hope. Four years down the line it is pretty easy to say that I have probably lost the thread of discussion.
It wasn't that i had or have given up - it was simply the feeling that time was peeling away from me and i could do little to catch up. Everywhere I look, I am exposed to success stories that show me that others are indeed living their dreams or in the mist of achieving it.
Don't get me wrong - we all see the other sides of the coin everywhere we go. But most don't focus on that side of the coin to begin with. We all want the flashing bulbs and the fame and success that comes with doing living the dream. Do we see the measure of preparation or the toils and suffering that are often hidden from view - these are probably the training fields that most go through during their rites of preparation.
There are so many ideas and dreams that have been nurtured with a full view towards success. Even when one is aware of the requirements and one makes every effort to pay the dues - something utterly unplanned has to materialize and spoil it.
It is not for a lack of trying and yet I have squandered many dreams on the pathway towards my independence. I detest my working environment and my working conditions. I hate the seemingly unplanned and un-coordinated approaches.
I hate the fact that my decisions depend on others and that often times - we are simply following rules that are no longer valid in today's working environment.
I hate that my ideas are squandered and left to die and that I can seem to do nothing to change the outcome.
Where are my failings? What can I do to amend them. Where and how can i improve my situation that I no longer feel like a failure?
I no longer wish to live by the rules of the un-informed.
I wish to live my dreams here and now.
