It is...
Haunting and filled with the burden of my mistakes. Soaked in the nectar of a heaviness that defies words. I am certain it will pass. Like the day and the night before.
I face the guilty but I am as much their accuser as their colleague. For i am the guilty as well as the victim. I question my sense of worth because i am focused on it being acknowledged externally - when internally i cannot accept myself.
I question my decisions and perhaps in the light of my mood - it too will pass.
The sense pervades my being that i have been stumbling from one mistake to another - a victim of other's interference but really my choice and actions.
The fact that i depend on others is considered my one undoing. For how can i control the outcome if I am always seemingly unconcerned on one hand or paranoid in my worry on the other.
How can i truly reach the zenith of my development and evolution if I fear the shadows or the depth of despair that I could sink to? How can I truly know?
I feel a vulnerability that places me squarely in the driver's seat. I sense that underneath the struggles lies a frightened boy.
There is really no other way but to face these challenges and see them to their logical end.
When people twist words to suit their needs - to divert their guilty they point fingers in the wrong direction. They paint colors that are not true on the canvas of opportunity.
....
Haunting and filled with the burden of my mistakes. Soaked in the nectar of a heaviness that defies words. I am certain it will pass. Like the day and the night before.
I face the guilty but I am as much their accuser as their colleague. For i am the guilty as well as the victim. I question my sense of worth because i am focused on it being acknowledged externally - when internally i cannot accept myself.
I question my decisions and perhaps in the light of my mood - it too will pass.
The sense pervades my being that i have been stumbling from one mistake to another - a victim of other's interference but really my choice and actions.
The fact that i depend on others is considered my one undoing. For how can i control the outcome if I am always seemingly unconcerned on one hand or paranoid in my worry on the other.
How can i truly reach the zenith of my development and evolution if I fear the shadows or the depth of despair that I could sink to? How can I truly know?
I feel a vulnerability that places me squarely in the driver's seat. I sense that underneath the struggles lies a frightened boy.
There is really no other way but to face these challenges and see them to their logical end.
When people twist words to suit their needs - to divert their guilty they point fingers in the wrong direction. They paint colors that are not true on the canvas of opportunity.
....
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