Jay Leno or Jay-Lo (In his words...)

Hate him or his guts (which i have never considered apart from his mentioning the word Nigeria and Scam in the same sentence)

Still nothing gets the truth home faster than humor - the approach is accurate but puts it in such a light that you would be forgiven for laughing (that is after all the anticipated result!)

I just got this email - an extract of his insights on the credit crunch (yes, the sound underfoot when you step on an unsuspecting mouse which mistimed its movements)

Please note: these are not my words - I never said they were (lawyers beware... I am not game to be sued!)

That said, I present to you: Jay Leno (In his words)

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the
building standing,. It's called the stock market
-Jay Leno

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being
called Wal-Mart Street
Jay Leno

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The
pigeon can still make a deposit on a Ferrari

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas
and an investment banker? A tie

5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left
side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if
you get any e mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't
fall for it
Jay Leno

7. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last
week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and
Century 21.-
Jay Leno

8. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my
check is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether
that refers to mine or the bank's.

A few terms to come to grips with so that when you hear such titles or buzzwords - you can strangle the person before proceeding with the day...


NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

CEO--Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET-- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET-- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the
wife gets no jewelry.

VALUE INVESTING-- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO-- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR-- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST-- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT-- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER-- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION-- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO-- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS-- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR-- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT-- An archaic word no longer in use.