The Heart is a fragile thing

Wise words or just plain common sense - I would wager that it is plain common sense based on the hard hands of experience. Experience is a teacher that tends to leave a mark during your educational intern-ship.
If you learn your lesson well, you can avoid all such pit falls in the near future that she may have pointed out but if you set yourself up as a slouch, she can be very unforgiving and a punisher of the wrong choices.

We're always victims of ourselves and our emotions - sometimes you are the aggressor and other times, you're the victim. regardless of your role - we all have our turn in the playground.

Don't think that you can guard your heart and don't think that it is a foolish thing to love - where would we be without it? what would we be without it. It is the single purpose that GOD has kept in store for us - to discover the bounties of HIS love given freely and only requiring that we accept willingly. To equally learn to give this gift freely and openly is our sole purpose on earth.

Do i hear a scoff in the background (yeah, Right!)?
Well, I know I can't force the idea on you and it would be meaningless for me to try - I have much better things to do with my time - I will however advice that your skepticism be reviewed.

We live to love - it is a primary function and purpose of our lives and it doesn't matter what we love - it just matters that we loved and that it changed US as well as the object of our vast affections. It provides drive, purpose and a meaning to our existence.

Like everything else in our lives, we have attempted to master this elusive emotion - imposing upon it some sort and measure of control. It was not meant to be controlled or measured. It was meant to be experienced and felt. It is not always pure when we do give in to its lull but at least we can say we felt that sense of freedom imposed and the fright and glee and joy and pain that it granted to us.

I am here in hindsight looking at my choices - at what I cannot have but want.
At what I have chosen to give in to knowing fully well that it is a one way street - no matter what I said or the brave face I tried to put up - I wasn't ready for what its has done to me and how it ravishes my thoughts. But i wouldn't trade places in the world.

I made my decision and now I face the consequences and yes it hurts like hell - this too shall pass.
As a motivational speaker (Paul McGee) - apply the SUMO principle: Shut Up, Move On.

My heart is heavy with this perceived loss and it suddenly is like going back to what I have always felt previously: Lonely.
I will probably keep a memory of this moment and probably laugh at my reactions at a later date yet unspecified but i wouldn't trade places and I wouldn't undo anything that had happened. I can scoff at my small and petty antics now and yet I cannot disregard the gift to have felt this way for this person.
There's this invisible load that weighs heavily upon me and now the weight leaves me feeling bereft, like I've lost the one thing I value the most.

Without this feeling of loss - I will/would not appreciate the gift I have received or the blessings that have come my way - without it, I will not be a better man - a better person.

I cannot trade places and would not change any choices I have freely made. I have opened up the hedge and now it is broken - I will feel the pain of every invasion like salt on a raw wound.

Oh how i cherish this pain...
When i was still carrying weights, I looked forward to the pain and aches - they where an indication that I was shaping my body and it was protesting but it would obey - it had no choice - the pain was an indication of change taking place underneath and i used  to revel in this pain. It was an indication of success.

I have been hit but by GOD, how i love this pain and raw feelings that coarse through me - what better indication that I'm alive?

What better lessons can I ask for?

I want my friend

I've been left on the road for dead - my travel partner has suddenly decided that travelling with me could be more dangerous than initially anticipated. Perhaps there is a smattering of truth to this thought process.

I've had the typical withdrawal symptoms - the craving for company and other other means of communication that just vanished just like that - one moment we're tight as skin the next: it just stopped.

I think I might know the reason but I doubt it very much. I might just know some of it - some very small insignificant portion of the reason.

Looking back now - I guess I should come to expect that such things happen and often serve a purpose.

Personally - I've always wanted to break away from the mold of rules and regulations and to become perhaps a maverick of sorts.

I thought I had found someone to accompany me on this journey of self discovery - i think I must have pushed too hard and caused doubts to surface - exposed this party to danger.

I'm at that point where I'm left guessing at the "what-If's" - if i didn't do this would that happen?

I shouldn't have done... I should have done this instead...

Regardless of the consequences - I want my friend.

Time curreny & investment

its a new decade...

we're here. Now and irrevocably in the present.

the past is done with - we are all advised to learn the lessons taught, extract the nuggets of wisdom from our mistakes and move on. There is no reclaimed moment. There is only here and now.

This very moment.

I got a very enlightening email with regards to the greatest investment for most human beings everyday: 86,400. unbelievably this amount was a constant for us all, except we were already dead.

We are allowed to spend it any way we say fit and invest it in endeavours that would reap multiple gains now or in the immediate future. For as long as we live, this investment in nearly constant except you expire before (note the use of the word) before the day ends.

This investment is the time available to us in one day!

That is available to any human who is alive and who will NOT perish before the end of that day.

the investment amount is time and it equates to: 24 * 60 * 60

We are allowed to spend it anyway we can but we cannot retrieve any of this once spend and once the day ends any under-utilized or used portion is taken away.

there are no do overs with this investment vehicle.

the bottom line is to make the best of this in all and anyway that we can.

No day must be spent without some form of self improvement to self and others around you. No time must be wasted without learning more about your innate talents and you.

there is no refund and there is no rewind.

make the best use of today as you possibly can.